Never say die

Sometimes its difficult to face failures when you know that you had put in your best. There are more forces at play than just your hard work. Destiny for me is like the final kick needed to cross the threshold beyond which lies glimmering success. And it shines better when you are with someone. I know your success will attract many a hands to join the party but you are left alone when failures ruin you. With all your spirits down you need a motivation to rise up again and prove to your self that you can make your own destiny. Luck favours the brave and one has to be brave and focussed enough to really see failures as stepping stones to success. Even god should say , "why can't he just give up ". Victory then is not very far.

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Sent from my Nokia Phone

Love's labour lost

Love is the most beautiful thing to happen with a person. Love nurtures, love protects ,love cares and it helps the person to go on in life amidst difficult times. Strange to find but love sometimes hurts too. And when it hurts, life appears shattered. Life seems colourless and every joy turns into sorrow.You find yourself dumb and mentally shaken to decipher the mystry behind the failure of your love. Sometimes there are no solid reasons but mere circumstances that sour your relationship with your loved one. Circumstances may range form a mere fight on some conflicting issue between the two or may be as crucial as incompatibility between the two persons. Whatever may be the reason but you always give chance to protect your love , to save the relationship. Sometimes you succeed and other times you miserably fail, with your face wrapped in you tired hands, your body feeling lifeless and your mind and heart absolutely shaken.The mind may try to settle down but the heart always longs for the love that just got lost.

Sometimes the destination is close but the mist is heavy...the heart must burn with desire to light up the path.

Its been more than three months of waiting for me.Each day is difficult to wrap up.The days have been restless and the nights sleepless.Breakfasts have been missed and sometimes lunch and dinner have lost meaning.Mind has gone blank at times.Heart has sometimes been burning with confidence and at times has been overshadowed by the uncertainties of life.Hands at times have come together to pray and sometimes have held a bottle of whisky. Eyes have sometimes wondered on the roadside and they have dreamed of making it big.Success has appeared sometimes easy and at times failures have got more weightage than the hardwork.Mind has at times struggled to study and at times has been unsettled like the wind.

More than two and a half years have speedily passed in competing with the best of brains in the country, souls which want to make it big in life , bodies which just don't get tired.There have been hours of slogging and there have been days when i would just sit with a blank mind.Love has been on my mind at times and at times fights with my sweetheart have taken a toll on my studies.There has been a lot of tossing and turning in these two and a half years with a gift in my hand which I am not able to value properly because it was never in the wishlist.

The results of civil services mains will be out in a couple of days ...may get delayed, i can't really figure out with rumours all around in the market.Whatever may come I have to take it with patience and composure.One thing I have been sure in my life that no matter how much you pray or work hard, if something is not destined to happen with you,you just can't make it happen.Even with a job in hand, my mind is still not settled because when I look back in time, I have still not got what I came to Delhi for.The big dream is still to be chased.I pray to god not for the results but for the strength to slog with much bigger heart and a much more focussed mind till the destination is claimed.

This post is dedicated to all the brave hearts who have risked their career to do something extraordinanry and challenging in their lives.Sometimes the destination is close but the mist is heavy...the heart must burn with desire to light up the path.Three cheers to all the UPSC CSE aspirants.Long live the fighting spirit...

Celebration of love ( belated- post ;))

The western culture is catching up fast in India. With the advent of electronic and print media the world has become a global village and certain regional and national festivals have diffused through international boundaries to become "World Festivals". Christmas and Valentine's Day seem to be the hottest. I guess I have seen more of festive mood being on display in malls and markets during Christmas than Diwali or Holi. Owing to the sanctity of Christmas day I would turn my attention to Valentine's Day which has often received the ire of many in the country. We have had incidences when a brother and sister walking down the street together on Valentine's Day have been troubled (slapped or beaten) by policemen in various parts of the country. This is shameful act. For God's sake it’s just a festival. Shame on all those, who create menace on this day. It’s a day when you can make your beloved feel how special she/he is to you. But remember we don't need any special day to do that. Everyday should be a Valentine's Day when you are with your Valentine. You do not need any special day if you really love you partner. When two people are in love with each other, the world is so much beautiful place to live. Life appears smooth because you know someone is there to take care of you. Love is another name of trust. Never break the trust. Love your partner as if there is no tomorrow. Fill his/her life with lots and lots of happiness and joy. For those who do not have a Valentine I would say- “Don’t find love, let love find you”. For those who are away from their lovers I would say- “Reliance hai to kya ghum hai” and for those who just broke off- “ Dil pe mat le yaar”. On that funny note I would like to wish silently to all my friends, a very happy Valentine’s Day. One last quote for all dirty minds out there- “As you sow, so shall you reap”. So be good tonight.

"तेरे तेरे बिन..."...This Song is my own composition

तेरे तेरे बिन
सूना सूना है ये दिन

आती हो ख्वाबो मे
चुपके से धीरे से
दिल मे क्यो हलचल है
मन क्यो ये पागल है
सपने जो देखे थे अब क्यो ये बोझल है

[तेरे तेरे बिन
सूना सूना है ये दिन]

मेरे दिल की धड़कन तुम
साँसों की हो खुश्बू तुम
तुझसे है मेरा कल
दिल मे फिर क्यो सावन है

[तेरे बिन
सूना सूना है ये दिन]

दिल क्यो ये मचलता है
जब न हो नजर मे तुम
दुनिया की रसमो मे
अपने दिल पे बन्धन है

[तेरे तेरे बिन
सूना सूना है ये दिन]

कसमे जो खाई थी
सन्ग सन्ग जीने मरने की
सच सच तुम बताओ न
क्या मेरे बिन मुक्कमल हो

[तेरे तेरे बिन
सूना सूना है ये दिन]

मेरे दिल की हो रानी तुम
रब से भी हो प्यारी तुम
मुश्किल है मिलन अपना
भुला पाऎंगे न तुमको हम.

Scent of A Women...A tribute to Al Pachino

The movie is a classic. A 1992 Hollywood movie , it has one of the finest speeches I have ever come across in my life. Very well crafted sentences. The best thing is that the speech appears so natural and captivating. Al Pachino has played the role of a retired Lt. Col.  named Frank Slade who has lost his eyesight. The speech will surely churn the deep seated soul in you. The background of the speech suggests that no matter what happens you should never compromise with your integrity. Its the quality of a fearsome man who will never buy his happiness and success by selling others or by selling his/her soul. A must watch movie for all those who look for answers in the dark because its diffcult to find your way when there is no light.

The speech is available in MP3 as well as text.

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/specialengagements/moviespeechscentofawoman.html

http://www.google.co.in/url?url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dnqsf0XynGz8&rct=j&sa=X&ei=fZIxTcaoPMKycNPE5cgH&ved=0CCEQuAIwAQ&q=al+pachino+speech+in+scent+of+a+women+text&usg=AFQjCNEIc0DlJAOWiET0GQly9ufgTlJISA&cad=rja

dedication to my best friend

Friend is a beautiful word. So is friendship. Blood relations are forced upon you but you choose friends. Then you categorise them as just friends and best friends. It is famous proverb that birds of same feather flock together. The proverb is well applied to friends but I happen to differ on this. I think your friends are sometimes not exactly like you apart from some basic characteristics. Friends rather compliment you just like your lover...I mean girlfriend or boyfriend. A true friend will always be with you no matter what you do and what you become. Getting a true friend is as hard as getting a diamond. Please sit down someday and think of just one of your friends who can vouch his life for you. That is the true friend. Best of friends abuse each other...fight with each other..get upset with each other and sometimes try to part ways...but they come back again because all this is just part and parcel of friendship. A true friendship will never demand anything in return.It cares and it nurtures the personality of both the people. He who always agrees to you no matter whether you are right or wrong is not your true friend. True firendship is not afraid of disagreement for taking the wrong side but always afraid of hurting. You never want to hurt your true friend. And when you hurt, your heart cries and says sorry. I am proud to have found my true friend in my college days. This blog is completely dedicated to him. He is a fucked up soul completely but he is my best friend. I can hurt him but he would not. Thats what I called caring selflessly. Three cheers for true friendship.

the changing face of bollywood

I would consider myself lucky to have seen the transformation of Indian cinema over the past 40 years. Well its surprising....I am just 24. Let me explain in brief.As a child we had to watch movies from late 70s and occasionally a few movies of early and late 60s as well.So I guess its right if I say that I have an experience of 40 years, may be a little less or little more.

There was a time when the silver screen could justify love making by merely showing a pair of sparrow playing with each others beak or a pair of freshly bloomed red roses trying to stoop down and hug each other or whatever. A kiss was limited to ones imagination. Lips were never locked and the maximum the viewers could expect and want was a hug that too not so passionate and intense.The songs were melodious with very little bass and treble...no techno and jazz...barring a few numbers from Late Shri. R.D. Burman, affectionately called Panchamda. He had started the fusion of Western music with Indian music. The lyrics were meticulously written and were meaningful....not like SHEELA KI JAWANI. It all depended on what audience wanted. The time has changed and so has the audience. The romance of Indian audience with Hollywood has grown manifold since late 70s. The Indian Cinema has shifted its essence from being purely theatrical to purely commercial. The directors and producers in Bollywood have become more demanding in terms of hot scenes and surprisingly the Indian actors and actresses are becoming more and more comfortable. Just imagine how would Late Shri. Raj Kapoor react when he sees her grand daughter doing a kissing scene. Of course her sister Karishma did it in Raja Hindustani. With no offence and due respect to Ms. Bipasa Basu , Ms. Katrina Kaif and Ms. Mallika Sherawat, the dare to bare actresses of our very own Bollywood , I doubt a little that if required they could be Indian version of Madonna and Pamela. That would be great for many of us but shameful for our Indian culture.With changing definition of cinema and entertainment the day is not very far when we will imitate the Hollywood in terms of passionate love making scenes ( only this and not the super cool technology they used making the Matrix or the Titanic...Titanic was made in 1997..so we are at least lagging behind by 23 years). To be continued.......

2011 census

India is going to become 1.2 billion plus country by the time our census team brings out the Indian Census 2011. The process is mammoth and I doubt how far the figures are relevant and correct. We have been criticized for the poor and inaccurate statistical records at times. The problem is with the mindset of the bureaucrats as well the big base figure population we have which makes it really tedious for collecting data accurately. The inaccurate statistics is not only n impediment for the social and economical development of our country but it also creates a sense of doubt in the minds of the analysts who are keeping a track of the growth story of India.I am assuming that senses will prevail in the statistical departments in our country to do justice to their work. I know the job is tough but not impossible. A lot of developmental programmes and schemes directly or indirectly depend on the figures and data provided by you guys.Looking forward the third census of my lifetime. I am sure its going to be better than the last one ( statistically.....excuse the figures!!!!!!!) 

nothing tastes better than success

The time is 0111 hrs, 5^th day of January 2011. The drinking session is over and I am back to my room rather my bed. I am not able to sleep. I ask myself who I am and what I have achieved in my short span of life as on date. I ask a few questions to myself. Am I famous? Do people apart from my friends and family know that I exist? Have I earned a lot of money? Have I become what I want? ……..a few more trivial questions come to my mind. The alcohol has taken over my mind and I am trying to think. I may have excelled academically but professionally I have still lot to do. The dream of becoming a civil servant is still far. I don’t have to be content with my performance. There is always a scope of improvement….loops to plug in. I have to be ready to take my little successes in a stride and be prepared for more. The hunger to excel should not let me sleep but still I am sleeping for more than 10 hours a day. Have I lost it, the desire to fight continuously?  Am I becoming casual? I have still not cleared the toughest exam of this country. One result in March and I may be again standing where I began. I don’t have to lose hope but I have to be prepared for the worst. Every day is important. Use every minute to get close to your goal. Nothing can take you back if you have made up your mind. Give your best…that’s all you can do. Rest is your luck. I know it pays a little part in your success but it can never compensate for you hard work. Remember nothings tastes better than success

SOMEONE NEEDS HELP.....they do find a little space in daily local news with no names but....figures!!!

Certainly, and these figures within a blink of an eye gets multiplied with an astounding frequency the moment we bring into notice certain other burning causes of rising death tolls. For instance, monster T.B costing one life in every 3 minutes all over nation; sweeping deaths in Madhya Pradesh and other states due to malnutrition and starving; youths brutally murdered in the name of honour killing, prominently in Haryana and our ages old henious killing of dalits continuining till date, to mention few. So, India is indeed shining and its reflection is clearly visible in local news figures. Hence it seems that things have completly gone haywire. But then who is to be held responsible for this sorry state of affair? Our centre and State government? So far as my understanding goes, it would be a blunder to respond to this million dollar question in a straightaway agreed tone, because such a response will blot the character of even those who are honest. If we closely examine, we find that centre and state governments do formulates plans and policies to effectively sort out the hardcore sensitive issues detoriorating the very soul of nation, and the officials of the concerned department are strictly made responsible and accountable for their timely and proper execution, but then,we can't overlook the fact that loopholes do exists. Accordingly its clear that the monster called corruption hinders the efficient implimentation and execution of well formulated plans and policies thus defeating their very objectives. So are we forced to conclude that all our governments efforts are in vain or are complete failure. Now if we outright show our agreement to this conclusion and say 'yes', then it would be like adhearing to an extremist view, because today the whole world knows that India is no more in the league of third world nation, rather it has successfully taken a giant leap from third world country to fourth most powerful country in the world after U.S, China and E.U. Also I must state that whats indeed commendable is that despite all oddities and bygone prevailence of worst possible state of affairs(economic slowdown), our nation is progressively developing and reaching new heights with its omnipotent "WINGS OF FIRE". So cheers to the spirit and salute to the glory of our nation called, "INDIA".

SOMEONE NEEDS HELP...........what is a waste for u may be a new life for others.

Once i was on my way to my Alma Mater by a rikshaw. It was rainy season so it started raining after some time and hence we had to halt. I was holding my lunch box polythene in my hand and thought of throwing it away. As i was about to throw it, my rickshaw puller at once requested, "please don't throw it away, give it to me instead, it will protect me from rain". Indeed what is a waste for u may be a new life...............
This encounter with ground reality inflicted an anguish deep into my heart. Incidence of this sort and many more innumerable to mention, which take place in our day to day life pose a big question mark on our role as a responsible and aware citizens.

someone needs help......

The winters in Delhi is getting colder and colder. Bone chilling winds have taken toll on our day to day activities.Sometimes I think of those poor people who have to brave the cold weather sleeping on the streets and corners of our country.Many of them don't find the food and the warmth of a blanket but yes!!!! they do find a little space in the daily local news with no names...just figures.North India excels in the death toll with a few state governments offering bone fires at night. Our population is so huge and the number of poor lying below poverty line is humongous. It makes it impossible to provide relief to all.Our radio jockeys happen to voice the concerns of the poor by asking to donate old winter clothings and get offers in retail shops. Do we need to be told all this. Don't we have the heart to take these little steps ourselves.Be an aware citizen and not just a citizen. Look around the corner, look for those little poor souls spreading their cold hands, begging for a rupee. Have a look at  the old rikshawala who came far from his home to earn a living for his family....their are so many needy around you. What is waste for you may be a new life for them...search your closet..look for your old useless clothes...give it to someone who might need it.

the ever confusing thoughts...need to meditate

Life can be so confusing sometimes.You chose a path to walk upon but after some time you stand puzzled whether you have chosen the right one or not. You stand perplexed at your own decisions. That is the time for some introspection. Well we human beings are so much mentally challenged at times that we doubt our very own decisions. But God has given us this unique and a million gigabyte brain( rather a machine f***ing head !!!!!) that we can run our imaginations wild enough to generate a million outputs from the given situation. But the dramatic thing is that we chose one and can't stick to it. Thats the whole point. There comes your conviction.Your soul comes to your help.But again there is a problem. How many of us have ever given time to listen to it. The great sages of this holy land of Lord Rama and Lord Krishna devoted their whole life , sat under a tree and meditated to reach to the soul lying deep inside their body.They learned to control their body, their thoughts and as such their life.When you have control over your mind and your soul you become superman, believe me.You can deal with all your problems without a single line of worry on your forehead.My whole point is that we should take out some part of everyday of our lives to listen to our soul, i.e. to meditate. Our mind will get eased out then, our thoughts will get sorted out and then will prevail a soothing feeling in your heart which will give you strength to fight with your mind  or rather guide it to take the right decisions.I guess I will be trying this out to sort out my own thoughts and decisions. If anything positive happens , will let you all know......one would always experiment to make life better...if you fail you know what not to do. Because sometimes knowing what not to do is better then knowing what to do.....

through the memory lane...

Its been more than 2 years and I am still having the same old tiffin, the same old thele wali chai. 7 years away from home barring a few visits during holidays from college and therafter offcie.I forgot to mention. For the past two years I have been staying up in Delhi preparing for civil services.A career I abhorred in my college daysbut developed some liking when I was working as Retail Sales Executive in IndianOil at Udaipur. Thanks to my stubborn and sweet girlfriend.It was all so sudden, like the striking of lightening. Drove all the way from Udaipur to Lucknow, my hometown , put up my resignation to my boss and made a reservation for Delhi. 17th Oct 2008 , I arrived at New Delhi station. Life has changed a lot. Not just in terms the knowledge I have acquired about various issues that India is fighting and about my optionals...but also the way I look at life. I think life is monotonous without having any aim.One also needs to have the patience and the determination to crack things in life.The struggle continues till you finally leave for heaven or hell.There are innumerable possibilities in life. All you have to do is explored.For all those who want to pursue this career, I would ask them to give all their energies and leave no single stone unturned. The preparation may or may not make you a civil servant tomorrow but you will definitely become a better person , a much more aware citizen. 
These two years of my life have been the most fruitful and satisfying because I was chasing my dream which I felt was mine from the bottom of my heart.
All I would say keep running in life...keep chasing your dreams...dream big and dream better....

looking back

Hi to all who have mistakingly entered my blog. Wish you a very HNY 2011.The bygone decade was the first of the 21st century.Good for some and not so good for others.India faired well fighting the monster o recession and setting high standards of financial prudence.There were a lot many acts and governmental schemes launched which have resurrected India's position as fast developing nation.In my view there were two things that happened in our Indian polity in the last decade that one can think as pure inclusive approach of Indian government.The NREGS ( now MNREGS) which promises to provide 100 days of work to the unemployed was launched on 2nd feb 2006 by the government. This makes India the only country where its citizens have a right to work. The other mammoth legislation was the passing of RTE i.e. Right to Education Bill.The task of implementation is huge. I hope i will be able to praise it in coming decade.The RTE act will change the face of India in coming days with The National Skill Development Programme as a booster in the downstream.......will gather some more important developments that took place in India in my next blog.......